everything takes effort nowadays.... Every little thing that I've taken for granted for so long.. things that come natural to me don't anymore... and it scares me shitless to even acknowledge that I am slowly slipping away....
my head is spinning again, even the tiniest bit of information seems so much... it's overwhelming to be me, to be the me who is desperately trying to survive in this whirlwind of a life....
maybe cause I'm drugged, maybe cause it's jsut who I am....
I feel sickly... invalid.... I can't be that bubly lil'ole me that i was once so proud of... the me that jokes around, the me that people enjoy company with... not this lifeless form of a human being that when you look into her eyes, you see a deep soul-less glare that seems to be lost somewhere far away in her own dream world, detached, from the world called reality....
maybe it's better like that... not taking anyone down with me.... it's not fare that anyone else should suffer on my behalf over soemthing that is none of their concern for that matter....
yet, loneliness is feeling that can kill, that can shatter the beliefs of even the most faithful....
I can't stand alone, yet help seems more of a threat than a shoulder to cry on, to lean on....
it's just life i guess, it's jsut my life .....
and only I can walk down this winding path...
only i and only me alone shall I walk....
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