lower, lower... bam! and I hit the ground...
it's been a few days, no? perhaps a few weeks since the swings came back? right now, it feels as if life's not worth living anymore... too much of a hassle to live and fight this whatever challenge one may want to call it...
how should I do it now? can have the conventional way or should i be creative? hmm... let me see, what are the ways that if I do will garuntee that I'll succeed? what are the ways that will not hurt me or anyone else...? wait, a lot of people are angry and disappointed at me anyway, so why should I care? what is there to care when the world turns its back on you?
bad bad me... thoughts... overwhelming... if only I can pen down all these emotions welling up inside me... if only that is possible.... but i can't... I am faced with a huge roadblock and I don't seem to be able to find my way around it... help me... help this helpless me...
what a true hypocrite am i, there I am telling my friend that it's not worth being suicidal, that it's simply not worth an action to take, that we all love you, bla bla bla... when I myself feel like crap too...
i am just wallowing in self pity
I am not pretending and it's not like i didn't mean what i said when i said that to her... just that, I know better, that it's not as simple. nothing's that simple... it just appears so when you're the one talking and not the one experiencing.
I don't know what to say anymore...
I am lost... alone..
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