I've been productive... this energy is good... to have this much to give... to function at this speed, to function this well... it's good... it's a good feeling... it's been a while... yes it has been, it truly has been.... I feel alive again... brought back to life....
it does make me question myself... at times like this when there appears to be no limits to what I can do, wha tI can achive... back to being myself I presume? the dark clouds have finally lifted... there I am given light again in my life...
There is so much yet for me to do, for me to accomplish... there is little time left for me to catch up... but i believe I can and I will.... there is no stopping me now.... it's only moving forward now... only moving forward.....
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
suddenly...
I don't feel like doing anything...
I don't feel like going on....
suddenly... emotions overwhelm me....
up and down my moods they fluctuate....
again, yet again.....
tiring....
I don't feel like going on....
suddenly... emotions overwhelm me....
up and down my moods they fluctuate....
again, yet again.....
tiring....
Friday, May 19, 2006
"Feel Miserable" Day....
since I can't fight this down depressive feeling with anything... I shall not try to anymore... perhaps what I really needed is a chance to feel thoughroughly miserable and hopeless... to sink that deep.... only then I will get up again.... perhaps...
when life's that crap, everything's worth a try isn't it?
I shall then declare for myself tomorrow as "Feel Miserable" Day....
I will be allowed to:
- feel as miserable, as depressed as I want to
- feel as though the world is going to fall on me and let it be
- feel worthless and succumb to self pity
- experience my own "death" in imagination
- not fight the feelings
- feel hurt and cry as if I've never cried before
- not think about ways to make myself feel better
- whine and cry over my insane existance
- forget about everything that needs to be done
- important or not, nothing matters, screw everything
- let myself curl up into feotal position and wished that I hadn't been born
- be anti-social and practically a b**** to people
- be mute
- take down my "smiley face" and "okay face" facade
- be a walking, talking time bomb to people
-
-
-
-
just 24 hours.....
just that..... no more, no less....
when life's that crap, everything's worth a try isn't it?
I shall then declare for myself tomorrow as "Feel Miserable" Day....
I will be allowed to:
- feel as miserable, as depressed as I want to
- feel as though the world is going to fall on me and let it be
- feel worthless and succumb to self pity
- experience my own "death" in imagination
- not fight the feelings
- feel hurt and cry as if I've never cried before
- not think about ways to make myself feel better
- whine and cry over my insane existance
- forget about everything that needs to be done
- important or not, nothing matters, screw everything
- let myself curl up into feotal position and wished that I hadn't been born
- be anti-social and practically a b**** to people
- be mute
- take down my "smiley face" and "okay face" facade
- be a walking, talking time bomb to people
-
-
-
-
just 24 hours.....
just that..... no more, no less....
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
will it ever stop?
This spinning?
my mind's all over the place... help.. I need help te get back to my own pace.. it's driving me crazy... feeling depressed.... knowing that is not helping much...
thinking too much, too much! stop!
my mind's all over the place... help.. I need help te get back to my own pace.. it's driving me crazy... feeling depressed.... knowing that is not helping much...
thinking too much, too much! stop!