when positive talking doesn't help

you'll know that you're done for and heading off once again into the indefinite depths of depression when even desperate positive self talk doesn't help.... that, something more than emotions is what you're dealing with..... something beyond normal feeling.... something that requires more than peptalks, counselling and all....

I'm not done fighting this battle yet....
Not any time soon either....

the emotions are strong, the feelings are strong..... they weigh you down and crush your soul.... that's what they are good at. but then, that's not entirely what they are here for.... that's what I think at least....
being depressed is not about feeling sad or blue.... it's a feeling that cannot be described by mere words... it's continuing blackness in your world without an expiry date... it's limitless yet it limits you.....

I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means having to suffer like this, never going to give up...
not my studies, not my dreams, and definitely not my life!
it may overwhelm me to the extent of paralysis, it may take away things that I love and are important to me, it may push me to the end of the road, till my back is against the wall...
it has the power to do all of these... it has the ability to destroy me...
but as long as there is a way, I will never let it!
I will never let it feel the joy of conquering over me...
It is but a feeling... My feeling, My emotions that I should be controling over, not the other way around.....

I will not resist advices.... My fight is not against other human beings.... my fight is against it!

I'll listen and follow...., and i will not be afraid of what I might hear or learn of....

It hurts to hear that I'll have to go back on meds, hurts to hear that whatever effort I put in last year has come to waste, but then again, did it really come to waste? there must be some reason as to why this has to happen..... there must be soemthing that I've learnt from it....
there must be.....

as long as there is a glimmer of hope, even if it's a weak one, I'll hold on
even if the rope that I am clinging onto is but a string, I'll hang on.....

I'm not done fighting yet.