it's discouraging, really, to find that the amount of effort that you put in just to pull ourself out of the the thwirling pool of insanity.... it's hard to even agree to going back to where I started out again... it's tiring to have to start over.... it is... but I have to....
I know deep down, I have to... even though I may not like it... in fact, I hate it so so very much!
it was my stupidity to go off the meds, I agree now... it's plain stupidity, thinking that I can handle all the stresses, being over confidant with myself.
but at one point I really thought that I could... I was doing so well....
then again, was I really?
Epilim, Seroquel, Risperdal....
explains why I feel like a walking, talking, breathing medicine cabinet...
I hate meds... but I can't function without them... and I hate not functioning....
so I guess, it's lesser of the two evils that I'll have to make my choice....
but it still hurts and it scares me half to death!
I can't talk freely... too much thoughts are running through my mind... I can't seem to be able to search through them and find the right word to say... feels as if my speech has been partially taken away from me... leaving me to feel not only emotionally, but somewhat physically disabled as well.....
I miss being bubbly....
I can only wait and hope now.... that the meds will work....
I need it to work....
I am not willing to succumb to insanity yet, I have so much that I need to do... I have so much to live for... I am unwilling to let it overtake me... it's my life... I'll decide what happens to me... not this.... not this overwhelming anxiety...
No!
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