the other way

there is this sudden gush of sadness washing over me.... help me...
I know not of what is happening, know not of why this crippling feeling is here to greet me...
all that i know of... the limited knowledge that i have of this feeling is that it will not last... that it shouldn't last.... but in the mean time, ther eis nothing but holinding on to my dear life... holding on to something that seems so unworthy of holding on to...

I don't understand... but somehow, I need to keep trying...
the odds are high... and I am lost... lost in this whirlpool of darkness...
it's getting dark in here...
why is it happening again?
despite all the effort? depite all the pain I had to put up with.... all the frustration... all the anger... all the hatred.... all those feelings....
all those emotional wounds that are yet to heal have been reopened.....
by what? i don't know.... I really don't.....

suddenly, I feel all alone... all alone in this.. no one to comfort me... to lend me a hand as i fall deeper and deeper into this dark abyss.....
help I shout and scream but none that can be heard.... a silent scream of my excrutiating pain....
alone... always have been... all along... alone...
I have been fooled.... I have been a fool.... to think that there would be light.... that there would be laughter that knows no boundaries.... to think that my tommorow has came.... that I shall be happy and bubbly all the way through....

yes, I have lived in a dream.....
down...
down...
down...

I fell....

my wings broken.... my soul shattered....
how i long to be flying high again...
but
can i?