Freudian?

how did a simple conversation about snakes and bush walking lead to Freud and subsequently led to me being emotional and anxious and all when the subject of my dad or my parents for that matter was brought up? I really don't know... is it me thinking too much? or is it really what he sort of intended to steer the conversation into? but then, he said and made it clear that it wasn't intentional at all.... perhaps I am just querying too much I presume...

the snake represents the phallic? hmm.... interesting... so those who have snake phobia are erm.... hmmm..... and that spiders represent the vulvar? so guys afraid of spiders are homosexuals? that is jsut so... ahem... well, can't say that it's all false and non truth cos there is, if you were to disect the words and search freantically for somewhere, some point to connect... but then again... what is there to back it up? then again, that is the reason why Freud was ridiculed about being overly obsessed with the idea of parental influence, sex and neurosis later in life.... all the psycho-babble is making me nuts.... no wonder i am seeing a psych!

he talked about cathexis, about how energy is never lost, always conserved, same as human emotion, trauma, whatever one may wish to name it.... like when you are angry at your dad, you can't express it freely, so you keep the energy and release it by kicking hard at the football instead...

and then the topic went on to hysteria, conversion... that some people when under overwhelming emotional stress, convert the "energy" and all into physical form... like how someone might be paralysed but without any physical causes, instead, psychological... like trying to run away from something, you don't want to face, so you jsut shut down... and you go on autopilot....

and then dissociation.... that people forget when under extreme stress....

why does it sound so... erm... familiar? as if he's talking about me... way to go my lecturers and my books on stats... thanks for drilling into my thick skull that correlation does not mean causation.... but it's as if I am seeing him unravel the mysteries of my messed up life before my very eyes.... giving an answer to the "whys" that I've so often asked, though not through a generally really pleasant-and-nice-societably-acceptable theoritical explanation. but the hard part is that it all makes perfect sense.... so much so that it's scary that it's not personal anymore.... and yet, it's not supposed to be intentional.... at least that's what he says.... I choose to believe him.... but I can't stop thinking...
I can't help but think... so the saying goes,

"curiousity kills the cat..."

**meow**

I'm dying with information oozing out as my brain juice....

**information overload**

**overheating of the CPU a.k.a. human brain**

on another note...

I still need to be on epilim... and there is no time limit as to when I would need to continue to be on it.... not taking the others are fine... but epilim is a must... it helps to "stabilize" me, keep my moods in line, my brain chemicals in check... lest they act on the idea of creating a riot in my brain, causing misfiring of my neurons , killing me in the proses(shrugz, they don't provide proper military training in there!!) .... don't want that now, do we...? sigh....

la la la la ... I'm a flying trapeez... come catch me...