What's one's deepest feelings and thoughts? those that they themselves know or those that are considered our subconscious? those that remain "sub-obvious"? Do I really want to know everything? Even those which are adviced to be left alone, untouched?
Or do I not and jsut pretend that I want to cos it's the right thing to do?
Deepest thoughts eh?
Who determines the measurement for depth of our thoughts and feelings?
If it's non other than us ourselves....?
A lot has been happening lately... for one thing, I feel productive... really productive... working late nights on my assignments, my studies... should be feeling proud of myself, shouldn't I? but it's weird... somewhere... something is not quite right... I don't know what, I am not sure... but this feeling... this I know...
I'm not depressed
I'm not anxious
I'm not in fear
I'm not sick
I'm just having a strange feeling....
And I'm not trying to see the worse of things, neither am I all out scouting for trouble either....
it's this conflicting emotion that is bothering me...
confusion within myself... questions that appear from no where...
Perhaps I;m just thinking way too much.. perhaps I've jsut watched too much anime...
perhaps, jsut so many perhaps....
that.. that... having such a nice time, I'm afraid...
too many times it has repeated itself... that bad things precede good days... so much so that the trauma lingers... these residual false anxious-depressed feelings...
All of these... am I aware? Do I allow myself to be aware or am I still frantically trying to cover up.. to pretend... to live a life of pretend as facing it would be painful? what is my choice? do I really have a choice anyway?
yet, I've said too much...
yet, it's time I stop...
To think things through... To think this over...
To get a breather... To live... To stay living in this world however best that I can...
2 comments:
sometimes ignorance is bliss.. sometimes not. hang in there, you'll be all rite :)
thanks...
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