everything seems so far from my reach and life is tiring me down...
I miss being on the high speed highway that my mind once was on... not saying that I am hyper of crazy or anything... jsut saying that i missed being who i used to be.... I feel as if I've reverted back to back when I was the unpopular girl in school who don't talk to anyone, whom no one wants to talk to either...
the person that I hated so much was me, and is now becoming me again....
i am loosing enrgy faster than i can gain them... nothing seems to work.... leaving me feeling helpless and worthless all at the same time...
in front of others, when i have to, when situation needs me to, i put up a facade to cover this pathetic being that is me... a bad excuse for a human being...
I feel degraded by myself... looked down upon.... hated by myself, that is yours truly....
laments no longer seem enough to take away with it all these feelings pent up inside me... sometimes i truly wonder if the phrase "letting go" actually do exist....
i know i'm spending way too much time being absorbed in this self depising competition, but i jsut can't help it.... I want to be free and be happy but somehow... somewhere along the line, the journey of being free of my pain, i just happen to get lost... jsut like that... I jsut loose my way, my direction somehow... it's as if something is stopping me... going against me... tryin to stop me from being happy, from feeling okay for once like everyone else....
stuck and trapped....
help
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