it was fun to feel inhibited.. unrestrained....
I was enjoying myself... having fun.. but not meaning to be negative, but somehow, somewhere... when fun feels out of place and when outspoken becomes too loud and noisy....
though my mind wasn't spinning... I knew something wasn't quite right... something was wrong somewhere... I know... cos it wasn't me yesterday... I was someone else...
yes, no doubts about having real lots of fun.... and who wouldn't want to be that outspoken girl who is outright sporting and all? who plays along well and is not shy after she sort of "warms up" yes, it was good being her... it's good for making new friends.... good for having a fun time... good for socialization...
but no... not so good when somehow, somewhere along the line of having fun, it splits... it becomes dissociation... it becomes a depersonalisation phenomena... a feeling that if you're not feeling it will never understand it.... call it anxiety or whatever... it sure wasn't a good pleasant feeling.... it wasn't...
you feel thorn... between yourself and yourself....
but yes, I did have fun.. I did enjoy myself.... yes, I did and I am human after all...
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