I don't want things to fall apart....

but somehow or rather, I am warry of that...
for I myself am falling apart....
bits and pieces of me...
slowly, gradually... surely....

can I ask for help when I don't even stand up in seek of assistance?
who am I yet again to ask of assistance when I so strongly want to be left alone to my own devices... if only "believe in yourself" really does work....
so many "if only's".....

alone i stand under this moonlit night... tears flow down my eyes....

I cried....
a cry of pain.....
of sorrow, of shame....
of anguish, of despair....

am I but playing a loosing game?
loosing my mind...
loosing everything in sight....?

perhaps I really am immatured...
perhaps I really am insane...
perhaps all these while it's only been me who has been trying so desperately to convince myself otherwise...
if only I really can be otherwise...
can i really be? normal?

free of these moodswings?
free of myself, yearning for a tommorow that will never ever come my way?