spoke to a psychiatrist last weekend finally... it wasn't really a pretty sight at the clinic.... it was so overcrowded that I felt I was going to either suffocate someone out of anxiety or end up suffocating myself.... perhaps I am just simply over reacting... perhaps it's just my anxiety acting out again.... perhaps i just don't know anything much anymore....
he's suggesting that it's most likely not just simply anxiety alone... perhaps it's something more... it scares me... scares me to hear another person asking the same thing over the course of two years.... it scares me to find myself start wondering what if he's right? scares the hell out of me to look at the whole picture of my problem being bigger than it already is.... scares me that if he's right, I might end up like JN....
spoke to C this morning and I guess, thank God for him... he understands and somehow has the ability to make things seem more manageable.... asked him why he asked about the manic depression thingy two years ago and he said that partially it was part of the standard questions to ask and as well as I was hyper then.... was I? I really can't remember much... yes, I remember the racing thoughts and the agitation and all.... but other than that, I really do realised that most of my life have been a blur....
it's as if I've never really woken up from my sleep.... as if all these while I've been living in a fog so thick that no light can penetrate and shine through....
sigh.... perhaps I am jsut simply thinking too much....
then again.... with how things are, how can i not think?
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