I feel like my moodswings are back. somedays it's so empty inside that I feel like I am floating above myself while somedays i feel so trapped, as if the house or any building for that matter is a small box that has imprisoned me in. I feel like screaming my lungs out, but i don't see the reasoning behind this.
if you're thinking if I have been quarelling with my mom, the answer is no. it's more like she's shouting but I am not getting anything registered as even her voice felt distant. I think you call it dissociation.
i am begining to start feeling like being on a emotional roller coaster all over again and it find the idea of self harm altogether tempting and exicting. am i addicted to pain? am i becoming more crazy than I already am? i feel like i am hurting alot. hurting so much deep inside, but these feelings are somehow playing hide and seek with me. appearing out of no where to grab my attention, only to fade back into the shadows when noticed and the whole thing repeats itself all over again.
my mind is full of things...
i'm scared...
i'm lonely...
i'm missing something inside....
it's getting harder and harder to hang on... but somehow, at the weirdest times, i manage to pull through...
nonsensical ramblings...
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