haven't really been blogging lately... but what the heck, not that anyone reads it anyway... still.... it simply proves mom right again about me.... that I can never hang on to anything at all.. that I am low on commitment..... that I am really quite useless, one would say...
Trying really hard, that is, to hang on....
hang on to what? to my sanity or insanity? even I am not so sure about it anymore... but then again, was never absolutely sure about it to begin with.... but I guess, it really doesn't matter for now... as long as i hang on to life that is.
I've been thinking a lot lately..... about the life that I had led all these while, the life that I will lead in years to come, about people who I have known, loved, and lost. About the me that I've always aspire to be and the me who I truly am. so many times I've hoped and wished that things would turn out differently.... that all these shitload of problems are just nightmares that I will wake up from.
but i guess, not....
what can i do? I can't jsut simply wave my magic wand and inter la-la land... and forget about everrything in real life.... I can't jsut walk out on life..... yet part of me wants to and believes that I can do it...
I am not suicidal... I am not depressed....
I am just empty.... depersonalised by the numbing calm-ness that's in me.....
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