A pat on your back, A hug of comfort, A slap to wake up...

Someone once told me that friends are not only there for you to lean on, to share your laughter and misery with. Friends are also there to give you a wake up call.... Give you a tight slap, shout at you, scream at you... just so you'll wake up, just so you'll calm down, just so you'll be ok.... just because they love you....

What am I doing now, on voice msn with my friend? Am I giving her a hug? or a pat? Or am I giving her a slap... ? I think I kinda understand what Ed felt about our conversations during my down times now.... the feelings of helpless-ness... feelings of frustration..... a little anger here and there when the other party keeps wallowing in the depths of sadness, madness.... and you can do nothing about it!

To you (not that you'll be reading this anyway):

Screw whatever contradictions your mind is telling you... you're just driving yourself to the edges of insanity. It's not doing you any good at all, worrying over things that need no worrying about.... If you really have nothing better to do with your time, go to bed... at least you'll be off in dreamland being occupied by whatever dreams that come into your mind.... at least you'll be rested instead of being so bloody stressed up....

I don't know.... I really don't know what to do anymore... the fact that nothing seems to make you happy at all.... I really do care about you... but seeing your hurt and confused and in doubt about everything and anything makes me wanna splash you with cold water just so to "un-cloud" your mind....

sigh... well, whatever makes you happy dear... whatever.... The only thing that I can say to you is to not regret the choices you make... it's your life, no one can decide what to do with it for you.... Life is not a ball game where you can pass it around to other people... well, if it ever is a ball game, rest assured it's the single-player gaming version... where you are the mastermind behind every goal or otherwise.....

Girl, get a grip on yourself... you're the master of yourself, so live up to it!

signing off....

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me....
Happy birthday to me..... !
yay!! I'm officially 20!! Shit... damn old edi...... can i still act cute?
hmmm....