had a good day in the city with Jon and all.... really.... a good day... went sightseeing.... the aquarium.... the clochlate place which was heavenly.... and yes... those flames.... the ones just outside crowns.....
but now, it feels as though I am dying....
I can't explain this.... I never could.... the fluctuations of my moods brings me along this winding journey of no return.... a journey that may cost me my sanity if not my life...
feeling down.....
no one to catch me as I fall....
deeper and deeper I descend....
into a place where I can see nothing but the bright sky above me that I will never reach... never..
been feeling "out of it" the whole time... is it the change in dosage or is it just one of my low periods.... I realise now that I have even lost the ability to distinguise one from another.... will I loose the ability to even know myself in the near future? will I even have a future.... right now... it all looks....
bleak....
to my young adult eyes....
grey.... everywhere.... absence of any distinction....
pool of muddled waters....
grey in color.... only soon to be brightened by crimson tears....
.... that creates tiny ripples that creates upon it a canvas painted with passion of the stories of yesternight.... stories of pain and anguish....
and let me before I depart.... leave behind a mark... perhaps the only visible proof of my existance....
as I dream of being the painter of this canvas....
red....
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