Stressed!

was so depressed for the past few days that even talking takes up so much of my energy, not that I had a lot to start with... went to brendon park with all of them for grocery shopping on saturday as usual and throughout the entire journey to and back I think the maximum number of words that came out of my mouth which are reasonably audibel is not more than ten I guess... so much for moodiness....

am I really bipolar or just plain depressed? I am begining to get really confused now... the reason being so is that if I am just plain depressed, then at least I know that in the morning when I am jumpy and all, there might be a slim chance that "that" is who I am beneath all these layers of "masks" tha tI put one everyday so as to fool everyone around me into believing that I am feeling okay... perhaps, the one person that I really wish and hoped that I can trully convince is perhaps lil' ole' me.... but, if I am bipolar, then most likely that the "hyper-me" that I experience during the day when I am with people is all but just another symptom of my "illness"... am I just ill or am I so screwed up that I can now be pronounced insane?I'm confused!

had a total of 3 panic attacks over the span of 2 days... can I even ask if I am severe? ok ok I know the answer... feeling so down and disappointed... why? why after so long it still came back? why? I don't understand... what can I do now to stop it? to revert the mode of my "illness" back to "remission"? it seems like an never ending story weaving it's path along this journey called life which is officially "owned" by me... not that I want it that much... but then.... sigh

made CM cry that day.... it hurts you know.. it hurts damn well when you see the person you care about cry because of you... not that you did something bad to them... but rather, it's because they see you hurting and they feel so helpless that all that they can do is cry.... CM don't deserve this.... she deserves to be happy always... so does HW and everyone else, everyone else that I snapped at.... I don't know......

我是如此的恨现在的自己。我究竟是谁，我已经不懂得该如何回答了。觉得自己有如一只迷失了方向的迷途羔羊。更觉得自己像个落地的天使，伤了翅膀、忘了如何飞翔。