Letter 3

Dear A,

haven't talk to you for quite a couple of days now huh.... suddenly, feels like I sorta miss you. but then, I am confused now, about what I truly think of you... you just feel so so distant... like I am floating high up in the clouds and you are down there on Earth.... or... is it the other way around? I'm confused....

sigh... if only I can feel me as like in me on the whole and not just part of me... are you the culprit? I wonder... I truly wonder... right down, deep down from the bottom of my heart I want to ask if you even know of my existance... I know, I am crapping again, but since when anything had ever made sense to begin with? correctto!! NEVER....! the answer is NEVER! not when I know you are hurtin, not when I am tryin to make it hurt less.....

I am angry...
I am frustrated...
I am hurt...
I am sad...
I need you...

I wanna be a child once again... even if it's just for a day...

a lot of thing's been happening lately... one day I was estatic, another I was so down that nothing seemed to go right... not that I ever had any hopes of it goin right to start with.... but then again, that's not my point... thing is... should I take up Dr. C's suggestions? kept me wondering ,days on ends.... mood swings.... it's keeping me apart from this whole reality of life... or perhaps, I was long out of it even before I started thinking about it? so long I've been out of my life that perhaps I don't even know if I am still alive or not....

J said that I should talk to you more... maybe... but it feels funny "talking" to you... but still perhaps, jsut perhaps, you can help set my thinking straight... ?sigh... or am I so lost that I am know even not sure if I am confused or not?

don't wanna talk to you...

makes me feel weirde....

sigh....

I need a friend...

I need a friend in you....

Love,
~B~