I don't know how and what to describe my current mood anymore.... it just feels so overwhelmingly bad.... I want to just rant and rant and continue ranting till I finally run out of energy... exhausted to the core and die.....
it's negative... it's bad.... it's dark... it's confusing.... and it's me....
that's who I am and what I am.....
I am not trying to complain... nor am I trying to whine and all.... I just can't take these ups and downs gracefully anymore... not that I have been taking it much anyway.... but still.....
I feel as if I am being pushed to the edge of no return again.... which do I trust now? my own feelings or evidence from before? can I really pull trough? can I really survive beyond this darkness that is blinding?
I am not suicidally depressed.... but I am not feeling ok either...... numb would be a good description hours ago.. but not now..... for I am feeling rage... rage at myself and at the world.... the world that I jsut can't understand.... the world that has let me down time and again... a world that I have not enough courage to leave....
why am I writting this? for help? for assisstance? tryin to see if there are any kind souls lurking around the neighbourhood who'll willingly lend a hand to the poor girl who has fallen deep into a pit.... they'll only do this for they don't know the fact that the pit is dug by me..... by the girl who they see struggling to get out...... the girl who they are tryin to help.....
and she can't... and they can't.... nobody can.....
No comments:
Post a Comment