am I? am I feeling unwell? have I fallen once again into the depths of depression?
I have got no answers and i really have got no idea which is which anymore..
am I currently feeling better cos I really am improving or am I curently just in a state where by I am "absence" of emotions.. therfore "absence" of problems...?
which is which? where lies the dividing line between momentary sanity and real recovery?
will i even recovery to begin with? will I like who I am after all these stormy days of my life?
would i be able to get used to it since it's been so long since i last felt "normal"....
which is which and what is what?
i want help but am too afraid...
afraid of being labeled, of being look down upon...
fear I carry with me everywhere..
fear of people finding out..
fear of knowing even myself...
am I but a liar? pretender to my own feelings and feelings of others?
than what am i? who am I?
am I even worthy from thereafter of love?
am I even worthy of life?
too much questions...
too much questioning till I can find no answer...
till I can provide no more assurance that tommorrow will be different from the today that I know...
that days beyond this greyish sky beneath where I lie me down to sleep everynight, there is a sparkle of hope shinniing so bright...
hope that I will smile a tue smile.....
hope that I will one day live a day knowing I am trully loved not by rationality but by pure intuition.....
hope that I can one dady walk out of this monsoon season of feelings and emotions a better being than before..
hope that all the pain that I bear will turn into a blessing...
this is what i hope for... this is what I wish for...
but until then...
the crazy girl is still unsure....
she's still strolling along roads and pathways that she wonders if her memory is failing her...
she is but a girl....
as the ough winds continue to gush through her....
who wil be there to save her?
and I am her....
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