end?

"I want to draw the lie between us where my problem are concern..." that's what you told me....


I don't understand myself anymore.... why are things turning out the way they are? why am I loosing all my friends one after another? what is happening? where is the me that I thought I knew so well of yesterday? where is that girl? is this just a phase of my emotions or is it... is it the finale for my exictance here on earth? a pre-screening of my impending doom... as I slowly sink deeper and deeper into the never-ending journey of depression.... as I allow it's grasp to tighten.....

perhaps, I have been dreaming for far too long.... been living in a fantasy world that has deluded me that I am indeed likekable and that my friends are indeed abundant.... I have been delusioned to even believe in all these... I should have know that all these are too good to be true.... besides, nothing good ever happens to me in this life..... nothing at all.... again, it supports my theory that there is always a catch to everything good..... there's always a catch......

to not get hurt the best way is to stay away......
I need to learn how to despise mankind.....
I need to protect my already fragile heart from more damage..... I need to protect myself.....

I think I am dying .......

what they said were all true.... all so true... that I am the one who's causing grief in all who knows me.... it's me who is not appreciative of eerything... it is me that is keep looking for trouble.... seeking for ways that I can land myself in trouble.....

it hurts......
it hurts to know that people hate you and you don't even know why they do....
it hurts to not being able to be like everyone else....
it hurts when people push you away without giving any reason....
it hurts.....