when you left us...
not even a chance to say goodbye to you,
you look leave ever so silently, unexpectably
i miss you...
it's been 10 years now...
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
i feel happy....
and I'll enjoy this wonderful feeling as much as i can....
I thought he'll stop seeing me, stop treating me... felt that I was going to be abandoned for being too friendly... didn't even see it coming.... but then, in the end, it was only a reality check for him... nothing to do with me.... all for caring me more than as a patient, rather as a relative, a niece perhaps....
it's a nice feeling, yet it carries along it a subtle sense of sadness... nice to know I am cared for... but it's sad to also know that this "caring" would one day end.... and I would just have to accept it as reality in life and just relish in the fact that I was once cared for by a very very kind angel sent from above....
we went through the many possible "diagnoses" that have came my way... for the first time, it was plain talk, straight, direct and simple....
and i pulled through, survived it and came out smiling....
I thought he'll stop seeing me, stop treating me... felt that I was going to be abandoned for being too friendly... didn't even see it coming.... but then, in the end, it was only a reality check for him... nothing to do with me.... all for caring me more than as a patient, rather as a relative, a niece perhaps....
it's a nice feeling, yet it carries along it a subtle sense of sadness... nice to know I am cared for... but it's sad to also know that this "caring" would one day end.... and I would just have to accept it as reality in life and just relish in the fact that I was once cared for by a very very kind angel sent from above....
we went through the many possible "diagnoses" that have came my way... for the first time, it was plain talk, straight, direct and simple....
and i pulled through, survived it and came out smiling....
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
wallowing in self pity....
am I?
perhaps I really am...
am not sure anymore.
these thoughts are private... or so it seems... perhaps I do have it all writen across my face... the portrait of a emotion-filled being living in misery....
why is it that others who may have the same condition as me are able to live fufilling lives? is it me then who is the one who is not happy with what I have? am i really being ungrateful?
why is it that I feel that all joy had been sucked out of me... left me alone to await my untimely death?
why is it?
perhaps it is only me wallowing in self pity....
perhaps I really do despise being happy for I know not how... and am too afraid to set myself free of the only life I've known... though it's painful... it's still more familiar than a supposedly "happy" life which I know not how to live....
why is it so?
perhaps I really am...
am not sure anymore.
these thoughts are private... or so it seems... perhaps I do have it all writen across my face... the portrait of a emotion-filled being living in misery....
why is it that others who may have the same condition as me are able to live fufilling lives? is it me then who is the one who is not happy with what I have? am i really being ungrateful?
why is it that I feel that all joy had been sucked out of me... left me alone to await my untimely death?
why is it?
perhaps it is only me wallowing in self pity....
perhaps I really do despise being happy for I know not how... and am too afraid to set myself free of the only life I've known... though it's painful... it's still more familiar than a supposedly "happy" life which I know not how to live....
why is it so?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
how much can a heart take?
the same heart, broken three times over three days...
how much more can it take before it eventually bleeds to death?
loosing the ones i love, whose times i've cherished sharing with...
loosing the promise that at one time i really did believed it to be real...
loosing the belief in myself that i've worked so hard in gaining over the many years spent in agony through lessons that were at times near emotionally abusive...
a dream that i've never dared to dream yet at one point was almost convinced of its reality...
I hate myself, despice this word... and I hope to die...
how much am i expected to take into this young heart of mine...?
now is just time and way....
stopping me? perhaps...
not worth it...
how much more can it take before it eventually bleeds to death?
loosing the ones i love, whose times i've cherished sharing with...
loosing the promise that at one time i really did believed it to be real...
loosing the belief in myself that i've worked so hard in gaining over the many years spent in agony through lessons that were at times near emotionally abusive...
a dream that i've never dared to dream yet at one point was almost convinced of its reality...
I hate myself, despice this word... and I hope to die...
how much am i expected to take into this young heart of mine...?
now is just time and way....
stopping me? perhaps...
not worth it...
Saturday, January 27, 2007
好痛，但我依然会忍耐……
他们都说，时间能够冲淡一切，这回受的伤，这回流过的泪，是否能够跟随时间的流逝，成为一个过去呢？应该可以吧……展开双手，让一切随着漂浮在空中的落叶变成一个回忆吧，一个爱过，也哭过的回忆吧！
你没离开我，这也许是不幸中的大幸……
每成敌人，依然还可成知心好友……
谢谢你……
这一切，我满足了……
让你受了伤，对不起……
你没离开我，这也许是不幸中的大幸……
每成敌人，依然还可成知心好友……
谢谢你……
这一切，我满足了……
让你受了伤，对不起……