so it's said....
her passing caused a ripple effect among all who knew her... no matter how close or distant to her suffering our understanding permits us, none of us are spared of the pain of her dismiss....
maybe it's for the better, in her mind she minght be thinking so, as i so often think of it as myself... that this world will be better off without me... the hopelessness and helplessness that she felt must have been grave... and it pained me to know that a beautiful person fought with depression and lost....
i'm not going to start off with "if only" sentences that will no longer bear any meaning or be of any use as she is no longer here... but then agian, really....
if only she had held on longer...
if only she hadn't stop her medication...
yet, will any of this make any difference?
would it have made it better for her? would she not have had to suffer or suffer any less?
perhaps we are only asking all of these questions to comfort ourselves... for we have been wounded by her actions... yet we cannot hate her for doing what she did for we loved her too much... with anger, regrets, hatred, and love entwined, where does that leads us to but grief?
辛いですけど、現実です！
"it's painful, but it's reality!"
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