saw a clinical psych specializing in self harm and BPD yesterday.
I'm pretty screwed up hey...
scared...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
it wasn't a mistake...
I've always been so afraid of abandonment, of being pushed away by those few that I trust... but was I not the one pushing people away instead? I have indeed been selfish... for being who i was, for repeating something which I've vowed not to repeat...
I did it again...
yes, I can give all sorts of reasons saying that I was in such great deal of pain, that life seems so tiring and such... but then, didn't I hurt when Val left? didn't her premature departing left me wounded by a gash so big that it will take years and years to come in order ofr me to even achieve a sense of healing?
so how could I have thought of even doing it to my friends and all those that I so dearly love and care about?
perhaps this should keep me alive...
then again...
I've been stupid again...
I did it again...
yes, I can give all sorts of reasons saying that I was in such great deal of pain, that life seems so tiring and such... but then, didn't I hurt when Val left? didn't her premature departing left me wounded by a gash so big that it will take years and years to come in order ofr me to even achieve a sense of healing?
so how could I have thought of even doing it to my friends and all those that I so dearly love and care about?
perhaps this should keep me alive...
then again...
I've been stupid again...